apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
