So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
