how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
wow bdsm is so cute
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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