I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
