You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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