____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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