I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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