i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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