I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize