don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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