she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
