didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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