I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
