Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
