I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
