She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize