I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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