after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
