Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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