Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
high people should be assigned attendants
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
