There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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