Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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