I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
