We need to rekindle our bromance
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Shame is for Republicans.
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