any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
