I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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