ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
