was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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