i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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