dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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