I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
