Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
