He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
