Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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