i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
