I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
