I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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