Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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