i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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