Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
