you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
