This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
