I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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