so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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