your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
