i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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