I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
