Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
