So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize