I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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