My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
