Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
