I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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