Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
