Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
