That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
