Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize