There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
