Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
