you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
