What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
