C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
