I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
