what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
