i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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