i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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