I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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