Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
