He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Come see our sink grown plant.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
