i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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