I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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