i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
