and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
